Not All Ancestors Are Worthy of Veneration - Yep I Said What I Said

September 3, 2024

Understanding When to Say No to the Past

When it comes to ancestor veneration, there’s a common belief in many spiritual communities that all ancestors deserve our respect and reverence simply because they are part of our lineage. We are often encouraged to create altars, perform rituals, and seek guidance from those who have come before us. While this practice is rooted in tradition and can provide a sense of connection and continuity, well, I call bullshit. It’s important to recognise that not all ancestors are deserving of our veneration. Some may have been harmful, toxic, or even abusive, and automatically revering them can perpetuate cycles of trauma and negativity.

So in this blog, I want to explore the notion that not all ancestors are worthy of veneration and discuss how you can navigate the complexities of ancestral work with a discerning eye. I wan to delve into the importance of understanding the nature of your ancestors, setting boundaries with those who were harmful, and finding ways to honour the past without glorifying it.

The Complexity of Ancestral Work

Ancestral veneration is a deeply personal and often emotional practice. For many, it’s a way to connect with their roots, gain wisdom, and feel a sense of belonging. However, this practice also comes with its challenges, particularly when dealing with ancestors who were not good people in life. These individuals may have caused harm, perpetuated violence, or upheld harmful ideologies. Venerating such ancestors without critical thought can lead to spiritual dissonance and even cause harm to yourself or others.

It’s essential to approach ancestral work with a clear understanding that not all ancestors were positive influences. While some may have been wise, kind, and nurturing, others may have been abusive, cruel, or held beliefs that are incompatible with your values. It’s crucial to differentiate between those who can offer genuine guidance and those who should be acknowledged but not revered.

Recognising Harmful Ancestors

The first step in discerning which ancestors are worthy of veneration is recognising those who were harmful. This can be a challenging process, especially if family histories are shrouded in secrecy or if there’s a reluctance to acknowledge negative aspects of the past. However, it’s vital to confront these realities if you want to engage in ancestral work that is both ethical and meaningful.

Harmful ancestors may include those who were abusive, manipulative, or violent. They may have perpetuated racism, sexism, or other forms of oppression. In some cases, these individuals may have been complicit in acts of violence or discrimination, even if they did not directly cause harm. It’s important to remember that just because someone is an ancestor does not mean they were inherently good or wise.

To identify harmful ancestors, consider the following:

Family Stories: Listen to the stories passed down through your family. Are there individuals who were known for their cruelty or harmful behaviour? Are there ancestors who were involved in activities that go against your moral or ethical beliefs?
Historical Context: Consider the historical context in which your ancestors lived. Were they involved in oppressive systems or practices? Did they hold beliefs that were harmful to others?
Personal Experience: Reflect on your personal experiences with your ancestors, if you knew them. How did they treat you or other family members? Were they a source of harm or pain?
Intuition: Trust your intuition. If you feel uneasy about venerating a particular ancestor, there may be a reason for that. Pay attention to your feelings and consider whether this individual truly deserves a place of honour in your spiritual practice.

Setting Boundaries with Harmful Ancestors

Once you’ve identified harmful ancestors, the next step is to set boundaries with them. This can be a difficult process, especially if there’s a sense of obligation to honour all ancestors. However, it’s essential to prioritise your well-being and the well-being of your spiritual practice.

Setting boundaries with harmful ancestors can take many forms, including:

Limiting Contact: You can choose to limit or completely avoid contact with harmful ancestors in your spiritual practice. This might mean not including them on your ancestor altar, not invoking their names during rituals, or not seeking their guidance.
Acknowledgement Without Veneration: In some cases, you may choose to acknowledge a harmful ancestor without venerating them. This could involve recognising their place in your lineage without actively honouring them. For example, you might say a prayer for their soul or acknowledge their influence on your life without glorifying their actions.
Protective Measures: If you feel that a harmful ancestor’s influence is negatively impacting your life, you may consider taking protective measures. This could include cleansing rituals, protective charms, or even seeking the help of a spiritual practitioner to help you navigate this complex relationship.
Healing Work: For some, engaging in healing work around a harmful ancestor can be a powerful way to break cycles of trauma and negativity. This might involve therapy, shadow work, or other forms of healing that allow you to process and release the pain associated with this ancestor.

Honouring the Past Without Glorifying It

One of the challenges of ancestor veneration is finding ways to honour the past without glorifying it. It’s important to acknowledge the contributions and sacrifices of our ancestors while also being mindful of the harm they may have caused. This requires a nuanced approach that balances respect for the past with a commitment to personal and spiritual growth.

Here are some ways to honour the past without glorifying harmful ancestors:

Focus on Positive Ancestors: Rather than venerating all ancestors, you can choose to focus on those who were positive influences. These might be ancestors who were known for their kindness, wisdom, or resilience. By focusing on these individuals, you can create a more uplifting and supportive ancestral practice.
Ancestral Healing: Engage in ancestral healing work to address the harm caused by negative ancestors. This might involve rituals, meditations, or prayers that focus on healing the wounds of the past. By doing this work, you can help to break cycles of harm and create a more positive legacy for future generations.
Cultural Practices: Many cultures have specific practices for dealing with harmful ancestors. For example, some traditions include rituals for appeasing restless or angry spirits, while others have ceremonies for cleansing ancestral lines. If you feel drawn to these practices, they can be a valuable way to address the complexities of your ancestral lineage.
Education and Awareness: Educate yourself and others about the realities of your ancestral history. This might involve learning about the historical context in which your ancestors lived, as well as understanding the ways in which their actions have impacted future generations. By raising awareness, you can contribute to a more honest and informed approach to ancestral veneration.

The Role of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is often a central theme in discussions of ancestor veneration, but it’s important to approach it with care. While forgiveness can be a powerful tool for healing, it’s not always necessary or appropriate, especially when dealing with harmful ancestors. Forgiveness is a personal choice and should never be forced or rushed.

If you’re considering forgiveness, it’s important to do so in a way that honours your own boundaries and healing process. This might involve:

Taking Your Time: Forgiveness is not a one-size-fits-all solution, and it’s okay to take your time. If you’re not ready to forgive a harmful ancestor, that’s perfectly valid. Focus on your healing and set boundaries that protect your well-being.
Reframing Forgiveness: For some, forgiveness might involve reframing the concept. Instead of forgiving the actions of a harmful ancestor, you might choose to release the hold their actions have on you. This can be a way to free yourself from the pain of the past without condoning harmful behaviour.
Forgiving for Yourself: If you do choose to forgive, it’s important to do so for your own sake, not for the sake of the ancestor. Forgiveness can be a way to release the burden of anger or resentment, allowing you to move forward in your spiritual practice with a sense of peace.

Ancestral Work Without Veneration

It’s also worth noting that ancestral work does not always have to involve veneration. There are many ways to engage with your ancestors without placing them on a pedestal. This can be particularly helpful when dealing with a complex or painful ancestral lineage.

Here are some ways to work with your ancestors without venerating them:

Ancestral Research: Researching your family history can be a powerful way to connect with your roots without necessarily venerating your ancestors. This might involve genealogy work, exploring historical records, or learning about the cultural context of your lineage.
Honouring Your Own Journey: Focus on your own journey and the ways in which you can honour your ancestors’ legacy without glorifying their actions. This might involve setting intentions for how you want to carry forward the positive aspects of your lineage while releasing the negative.
Storytelling: Sharing stories about your ancestors can be a way to keep their memory alive without necessarily venerating them. This might involve telling the stories of those who were positive influences, as well as acknowledging the complexities of those who were not.
Creative Expression: Engaging in creative expression, such as art, writing, or music, can be a way to process your feelings about your ancestors. This can be particularly helpful when dealing with difficult emotions or unresolved trauma related to your lineage.

Moving Forward with Intention

Ancestral work is a deeply personal and evolving practice. As you navigate the complexities of your lineage, it’s important to approach it with intention and discernment. Not all ancestors are worthy of veneration, and it’s okay to set boundaries with those who were harmful. By doing so, you can create a spiritual practice that honours the past without perpetuating cycles of harm or negativity.

Remember that you have the power to choose how you engage with your ancestors. Whether you decide to venerate certain individuals, set boundaries with others, or focus on healing and personal growth, your ancestral practice should reflect your values and support your well-being.