Spotting the Signs, Their Manipulation Tactics, and Why Their Followers Can’t See Through Them
Introduction
Social media platforms, especially ones like TikTok, are packed with people looking for attention, but some take it to a whole new level. Narcissists thrive in these online spaces, manipulating people and controlling the narrative, all while pretending to be victims or playing innocent. These people are experts at twisting situations in their favour and, somehow, they still get a devoted group of followers who can’t see what’s really going on.
This isn’t just about petty online squabbles – these individuals use manipulation tactics that can cause real damage. They gaslight others, stir up drama, and turn followers into foot soldiers for their personal vendettas. What’s even more disturbing is how they manage to convince their followers that they’re the good guys, when the truth is quite the opposite.
So let's break down the red flags I have witnessed with my own eyes over the past 5 years that can help you spot narcissistic behaviour online, the tactics they use to manipulate people, and why their followers don’t see the truth. Most importantly, we’ll give you some tips on how to protect yourself from falling into their web.
Section 1: What Narcissistic Online Behaviour Looks Like
At first, it can be hard to tell who’s just attention-seeking and who’s a full-blown narcissist, especially on social media where everyone’s vying for likes and followers. But narcissists don’t just want attention; they want control, admiration, and power, and they’ll go to great lengths to get it.
Key Traits of Narcissism Online
Narcissists share a lot of common traits with people who have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but on social media, these traits look a bit different:
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Grandiosity: They love to show off, beating their own chest, making out they’re experts or have some kind of superior knowledge. They’ll often belittle or dismiss anyone who dares to disagree.
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Entitlement: Narcissists think they’re owed respect and admiration. If they don’t get it, they’ll kick up a fuss, often claiming they’re being unfairly treated.
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Lack of Empathy: They don’t really care how their actions affect others. Whether it’s harassment, stalking, or manipulating people, they’ll do what it takes to get their way.
Pretending to Be the Authority
One of the most dangerous aspects of online narcissists is how they set themselves up as an authority, even if they pretend they’re not interested in power. They’ll act like they’re just trying to help or that they don’t care about control, but in reality, they’re pulling all the strings behind the scenes.
They don’t need to overtly demand respect because their followers give it to them willingly. It’s a clever trick that allows them to manipulate others while looking like they’re above it all.
Playing the Victim
Narcissists are great at turning things around to make themselves look like the victim. If someone calls them out, they’ll claim they’re being bullied or unfairly targeted and that their actions are merely reactions to things done to them. This tactic works well because it disarms critics and makes their followers rush to defend them.
Section 2: How Narcissists Manipulate People
Narcissists are incredibly manipulative, and the way they operate online can be subtle enough that you don’t even realise what’s happening until it’s too late. Here are some of the main tactics they use:
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is one of their favourite tactics. It’s when they make you question your own reality. Online, this can look like denying something they said or did, even if there’s proof. For instance, they might carefully edit screenshots to paint themselves in a better light or selectively share private messages to twist the narrative.
On platforms like TikTok, they might say something in a video and then deny it later. They keep moving the goalposts, so their followers are left confused and rely on the narcissist to make sense of things.
Triangulation
This is when they bring in a third person to create confusion or to stir up drama. For example, they’ll tell someone one thing and another person something else, then sit back and watch the chaos. It’s a way of pitting people against each other while they stay in the middle, looking like the neutral party.
By causing conflict between others, they keep everyone off balance and keep themselves in control.
Fake Accounts and Stalking
Narcissists love to create fake accounts so they can stalk, spy, or harass people without getting caught. They might use these accounts to download content, leave nasty comments, or send threatening messages. If they’re called out, they’ll deny it, claiming that someone else sent them the information and that those accounts are not theirs.
These fake accounts can also make it seem like they have more support than they really do. By creating fake followers, they can manipulate public opinion in their favour.
False Proof and Threats
One of the more sinister tactics narcissists use is the claim that they have “proof” against someone, but they never actually show it. This so-called evidence is used to silence critics or scare people into submission. It’s often fabricated or taken out of context, but the threat alone is usually enough to keep people quiet.
In extreme cases, they take things offline by contacting employers, reporting people to the police, or making false accusations. The aim is to intimidate and control their targets.
Section 3: Why Followers Don’t See It
The most confusing thing about online narcissists is how they manage to gather such loyal followers. Even with all the manipulation going on, their followers just can’t seem to see the truth. So, what’s going on?
Charisma and the Cult of Personality
Narcissists are often charismatic, and they know how to make people feel important. In the world of social media, where many people are looking for a sense of belonging, this is a powerful tool. They draw people in by positioning themselves as experts or by making their followers feel like part of an “in” group.
Once people are emotionally invested, it’s hard to see the flaws in the narcissist’s behaviour. Followers want to believe in this idealised version of the person they’ve built up in their minds.
Groupthink and Echo Chambers
Once the narcissist has a loyal following, the group dynamics start working in their favour. The group becomes an echo chamber where dissenting opinions are silenced, and everyone follows the narcissist’s lead. This phenomenon is known as groupthink, and it makes it hard for individuals to speak out, even if they do notice toxic behaviour.
If everyone else seems to be on board, it’s easy for people to convince themselves that the narcissist must be right.
Fear of Retribution
Followers know that if they turn against the narcissist, they could become the next target, I mean, we have literally seen this play out time after time. Narcissists don’t just let people walk away; they often go after those who leave or speak out relentlessly. Whether it’s through online harassment or real-life consequences, the fear of retribution keeps many followers in line.
This fear is amplified by the narcissist’s ability to escalate conflicts outside of social media, by contacting employers or authorities, for example. The risks of going against them can seem too high.
Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive dissonance plays a huge role in why followers stick around. Once someone has invested time, energy, or even money into following a narcissist, it’s hard to admit they were wrong. It’s easier to make excuses for the narcissist’s bad behaviour than to accept that they’ve been manipulated.
People might say things like, “Oh, they were just having a bad day,” or “They’re passionate about what they believe in.” This way, they avoid the uncomfortable truth that they’ve been taken in by a fraud.
Section 4: The Real-World Impact of Online Narcissism
While it might be easy to dismiss narcissistic behaviour as “just online drama,” the reality is that these tactics can have serious real-life consequences. The people targeted by online narcissists often suffer far beyond social media.
Harassment and Mental Health
Being on the receiving end of a narcissist’s games can take a huge toll on a person’s mental health even if you are not susceptible to mental illness.. Constant harassment, gaslighting, and manipulation can lead to anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation. It can be incredibly draining to be under constant attack, and over time, this can erode a person’s self-confidence and sense of reality.
Victims of online narcissists often feel stuck in a cycle of stress and fear, unsure of how to escape the abuse.
When Online Conflicts Escalate
One of the scariest things about online narcissists is how they escalate their online games into real-life harassment. They may call their target’s workplace, report them to the authorities, or even go after their families. This takes things to a whole new level and can have serious, lasting consequences for the victim.
Some narcissists go as far as conducting ancestry searches or contacting family members to disprove someone’s background or heritage. These tactics cross the line from online drama to real-life harm.
Tearing Communities Apart
Narcissistic manipulation doesn’t just hurt individuals—it often destroys entire communities. Once a narcissist gets their claws into a group, they begin to divide people and turn them against each other. What was once a tight-knit community is left fractured and mistrustful, with relationships damaged beyond repair.
Even after the narcissist is exposed or moves on, the damage is often done, and the group may never fully recover.
Section 5: How to Spot the Red Flags and Protect Yourself
The best way to avoid getting caught in a narcissist’s web is to recognise the signs early and take action to protect yourself. Here’s how:
Red Flags to Look Out For
- They always want to be the centre of attention: Narcissists constantly steer the conversation back to themselves.
- They never take responsibility: If something goes wrong, it’s never their fault. They’ll always blame someone else. "Yep I did that but you did it to me first"
- They claim to have proof but never show it: This is a classic scare tactic. They’ll make vague threats but never actually back them up or it will be manipulated proof.
- They play the victim: Whenever they’re called out, they immediately flip the script and claim they’re being attacked.
- They thrive on drama: Narcissists love creating chaos. If they’re always at the centre of some drama, that’s a major red flag. They are constantly in drama, constantly fighting with someone or someone has always done them wrong. The internet is forever, you just need to look.
Setting Boundaries
One of the most important things you can do when dealing with a narcissist is to set clear boundaries. Don’t engage with their drama, and don’t allow them to manipulate you into taking sides. If you notice toxic behaviour, it’s best to distance yourself as much as possible.
Blocking or muting the person is often the simplest and most effective way to protect yourself. If things escalate, document any harassment and report it to the platform or, if necessary, to the authorities.
Disengaging
Remember, narcissists crave attention, so the best way to deal with them is not to give them any. Don’t get drawn into arguments or games – disengaging is the most effective way to shut them down.